I lived like royalty in the dorms. My roommate had moved in with her boyfriend but kept paying rent to maintain her city registration. Not many could boast the kind of comfort I had. I pushed the beds together so I could sleep sprawled out like a starfish. I could clatter dishes first thing in the morning, read with the lights on late into the night, and watch shows without headphones. Isn’t that the definition of luxury? The only ones who had it better were those who could afford to rent an apartment. Victoria, for instance, was part of that elite crowd.
On Saturday morning, I stood outside her apartment door, shifting from foot to foot, too nervous to ring the bell. We were from completely different worlds. She was a regular at nightclubs, while I haunted libraries. She had a YouTube channel where she reviewed the latest makeup trends, while I only used chapstick—and even then, just when my lips were chapped. She picked guys to match her outfits, while I was steadily marching toward “old maid” status. But! She was Max’s ex, and I was going to be his future. So, no more doubts! I clenched my fist, gathered my courage, and finally pressed the doorbell.
Victoria appeared at the door in a kigurumi pajama onesie. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of magic some girls possessed to look stunning even in something like that. A little sleepy, no makeup, with her hair in a messy bun, she still looked more attractive than I did all dolled up.
“Come on in,” she nodded, letting me into her place.
The first thing I noticed was a pair of men’s shoes in the hallway.
“You don’t live alone?” I asked, slipping off my sneakers.
“Unfortunately, no,” Victoria grimaced. “I live with my brother, but he’s at work right now.”
“Got it.”
“Make yourself at home, but don’t forget you’re a guest. Oh, and most importantly, don’t go into his room,” she pointed to a door on the left. “That’s a no-go zone.”
“I wasn’t planning to…”
“Just warning you, just in case. What’s that you’ve got there?”
“Oh, this?” I held up a bag from the bakery. “I brought some cookies! For tea.”
“We’re not here to sip tea and chat, we’re here to talk business,” Victoria cut me off. “If you’re looking for a buddy, I’m definitely not your girl.”
How sweet. I barely resisted the urge to put my shoes back on and bolt home.
“I’m only here for a guy.”
“Then let’s get to it.”
Victoria led me to her bedroom, climbed onto her bed with her legs tucked under her, and placed a large notebook in front of her. I settled into a chair nearby. I had no idea what we were about to do, but the nagging anxiety finally faded, replaced by curiosity.
“First, let’s figure out what you actually know about Max,” she said, flipping to a page with a long list. Wow, she’d really prepared!
“Pretty much everything,” I said confidently. I was well-versed on this topic. “A content analysis of his Instagram profile shows…”
Suddenly, Victoria crossed her arms over her head.
“Stop!” she exclaimed. “Turn that off.”
“Turn what off?”
“Your nerdy side. Don’t talk like you’re taking an exam. Guys get scared off by girls who are too smart.”
“I thought they liked that…”
“Don’t think. I know it’s hard for you, but try,” Victoria shoved the notebook into my hands. “I wrote down the key facts that might help you. Read through them, and if anything’s unclear, ask.”
I leaned over the list.
“Alright… Loves dogs, doesn’t eat dairy, thinks a nice butt is more important than boobs, hates when girls smoke hookah, doesn’t drink hard liquor, adores his dumb friends, plans to stay in the city, works part-time painting cars, likes girls with tattoos, follows every fitness influencer in town, gets annoyed by vegans, goes for a morning run every day… Why is the last one underlined?”
“Because, Horobets, that’s your in. Morning exercise is sacred to him, and he runs in the park near your campus. If you haven’t come up with a decent excuse to strike up a conversation yet, we’ll create one. Get it?”
“Not really…”
“You’re gonna become an athlete. I’ll lend you some cute shorts that’ll cinch in your sides, and you’ll head to the park at seven sharp. Then, it’s the usual. You’ll run, ‘accidentally’ bump into him, apologize… and from there, one thing leads to another. Tell him you love starting your day with a good jog. That’ll be your starting point. Make a great impression, and you’re halfway there.”
“I hate gym class.”
A wicked glint flashed in Victoria’s eyes.
“Well, now you’ll love it. Play up the contrast, because I always refused to join him.”
Getting up at six-thirty isn’t a problem for me. I often do it anyway to review material before my first class. But running…
“Fine,” I gave in. “Deal.”
“But first— a makeover. Let’s be real, you look like you just rolled in from the sticks.”
“I did come from the sticks,” I laughed. “Just like you, by the way.”
“Yeah, but you can’t tell with me. You, on the other hand, have some real issues… For starters, I’ve booked you for a manicure, haircut, eyelash extensions, and eyebrow shaping.”
“Eyebrow shaping?” I nearly burst out laughing. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“What’s next, styling the hair in my nose?”
“That, we’ll just remove,” Victoria quipped. “Same with your legs. Why are you looking at me like that? Thought this would be easy? Nope, the fun’s over.”
I wanted to argue, but I’d seen Max’s exes—they were all gorgeous. I’d have to step up to their level.
“I’ll do it all.”
“Consider this your homework for today. You always do your assignments, right?”
“The ones from school are easier.”
“Oh, come on, Horobets! You’ll finally feel like a girl… Later, we’ll overhaul your wardrobe too. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve been hiding under those hoodies and baggy clothes. I bet if we dig deep enough, we’ll find a decent figure under there. Heck, maybe even some boobs beneath all those layers of outdated junk.”
“Did someone say boobs?!” a voice called from the hallway. I jumped, startled.
“Oh, Denis is back…” Victoria rolled her eyes. “Den, come say hi to Horobets!”
A moment later, a guy appeared in the doorway. Short, with slightly bowed legs, but with a pretty nice smile and wild hair sticking out in every direction. The only thing he and Victoria had in common were the dimples on their cheeks… Otherwise, I’d never have guessed they were siblings.
“This the Yana who’s after Bykov?” he asked, looking me up and down. “She’s got guts.”
“You’ve already told him about me?” I said, indignant.
Victoria ignored my comment and turned to her brother.
“What do you think, does she have a shot?”
“Dunno. I’m afraid you might’ve ruined Max for any girl after you,” Denis leaned toward me, covering his mouth with his hand, and whispered, “My sister’s a real bloodsucker.”
“Hey! I can hear you!” Victoria chucked a pillow at him. “If you can’t behave, get out of my room!”
Denis raised his hands in surrender.
“Fine, fine, I’ll shut up. Just don’t kick me out. I’m curious to hear your strategy… It’s not every day you witness this kind of nonsense.”
“And what exactly is nonsense about it?” I interjected.
“You’re seriously asking? One of you is selling out her ex for a thesis paper, and the other is approaching a relationship like it’s… I don’t know, a science project. Do you really think guys are that simple?”
Victoria nodded confidently.
“They are.”
“You’re wrong!” Denis hissed. “This isn’t gonna work.”
Oh, I love it when someone doubts me. It’s the best motivation to prove them wrong.
“It will work,” I said, standing up. “You’ll see.”
Denis took a step forward.
“Wanna bet?” he drawled, extending his hand.
Hold on, hold on. You’re probably thinking, “Ugh, another book about a love bet. How many times have we seen this?!” Relax, ladies, this won’t play a big role here. It’s just a little extra motivation for me. Promise.
“Just promise you won’t interfere.”
“I promise.”
“What are we betting on?”
“Dunno… We’ll figure it out later.”
“Alright,” I shook Denis’s hand.
Victoria jumped up and joined us.
“Can I get in on this?” she chimed in. “I’m on Yana’s team, but I’m also betting she’s hopeless.”
“Don’t forget that your thesis grade depends on how successful I am,” I reminded her. “Now, I’m off to the salon to tackle that whole list of torture you wrote up. Even the eyebrow shaping!”
Denis burst out laughing. Fine, let him have his fun… Soon, very soon, he’ll taste defeat.