With my signature smile shining bright, I blink curiously and gracefully settle onto the soft cushions next to Ayshe. Dilruba sits across from us, her gaze darting between me and Valide Sultan as if searching for similarities. When our eyes meet, she quickly lowers hers, pretending to be fascinated by the patterns on the hem of her dress. Noticing this, I hold back a laugh. Then I remember my cousin and warmly greet her, taking her hand:
“Ayshe, good to see you. You look so beautiful today...”
The corners of the Sultan’s lips barely curl into a smile as a quiet “thank you...” escapes her. This is so unlike Ayshe, who’s usually overly talkative. Only now do I recall that Grandmother has some news. A wave of anxiety washes over my heart.
“What’s this event, Valide? What are we about to learn?”
With her characteristic majesty, Nebahat Sultan announces solemnly:
“By the will of Allah and with the consent of my son, Ayshe will be married in the near future.”
I don’t know how I looked in that moment, but Dilruba’s face so clearly showed shock that it made me even more uneasy. Of course, we all expected this event eventually, but no one could have imagined it would be announced today. I’m simply at a loss for words... Glancing at Ayshe, I shudder involuntarily. Whether it’s cold in the chambers or a chill of pity running down my spine, I’m not sure, but my cousin looks awful. Resigned, hurt, scared, and hopeless. She’s clearly not dancing with joy.
“Sultans, congratulations! Ayshe, may Allah grant you happiness and many children!” Dilruba chirps, recovering faster than the rest of us.
“Amen...” echoes from all around. Even I whisper the short word through dry lips. Gulcicek notices my displeasure, and naturally, it doesn’t sit well with the Sultan, who is finally marrying off her only daughter. Telling herself in her mind that my sour expression won’t ruin her celebration, my aunt turns to me, her eyes piercing:
“Selinj, is something wrong? You seem unhappy.”
“Perhaps you could congratulate Ayshe too, dear?” Grandmother chimes in. As if there was any doubt she would.
“Forgive me, I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect to hear this right now. Ayshe, dear sister, I sincerely congratulate you. May Allah grant you family harmony. And you, Sultan, congratulations as well. What a joy to see your daughter married! Though, it must be sad to part with her now, right?”
“Thank you, sweet Selinj. I’m happy I lived to see this day. You’re next. I hope we’ll celebrate your wedding soon, hmm?” Her voice drips with warmth and happiness. It’s clear my aunt is very pleased with this match. I flash a bright smile, looking away, though my eyes clearly say, “God forbid...”
“Who’s the lucky guy?” Dilruba, the Padishah’s chief wife, asks at just the right moment. I glance curiously at the Sultans, catching Ayshe’s expression out of the corner of my eye. She’s obviously not thrilled with her “betrothed.”
“Osman Pasha,” the name is declared with such grandeur and pomp that it sounds like the ruler of the world. I tense up, racking my brain to recall everything I’ve heard about him, only to realize my knowledge is pitifully limited. And then, suddenly:
“Osman Pasha is an excellent statesman, a skilled warrior, loyal to our Sovereign to the last drop of blood. He saved the Sovereign’s life several times, even during that spring siege...”
I nearly fall off the cushions in shock. Can Dilruba read my thoughts? And on top of that, I can’t help but notice how well-informed she is about the empire’s affairs. I have to give her credit for that. It’s high time I started taking an interest in what’s happening in my country too...
“Oh, then congratulations, Ayshe. Sounds like a wonderful choice!” I say with a charming smile.
“Thank you, sister. I hope so...”
“I’m only curious about one thing: do you like him?”
In that moment, it’s as if everyone in the room has been doused with boiling water: they flinch, jolt, and sharply turn to look at me. Ayshe lowers her head, blushing. Not realizing I’ve touched on a topic that’s taboo in such high circles, I don’t think to stop:
“What’s wrong? Did I say something I shouldn’t have? Ayshe, don’t be shy. We’re all family here...”
“I don’t know... I’ve only seen him once, from a distance...” my poor cousin murmurs quietly. Of course, I know we’re not allowed to meet or speak with men. But when a suitor is chosen, the bride is permitted to see him in her mother’s presence. Why didn’t Gulcicek think to show her daughter the chosen man and ask for her opinion?
“How’s that? Gulcicek Sultan, but...”
“Selinj,” Valide hisses at me in a strained voice. My look tells her plainly that I’m not one to back down. The tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Even the curtains seem to stir, as if a breeze has blown through them. It’s the wind before a storm. I probably would have pressed on, but Ayshe’s pleading gaze begs me to stop so earnestly that I have to give in. Now everyone sits in silence, mulling over what was just said. Each of us understands my point, but also holds their own truth. As they say, everyone has their own truth.
“So, when’s the wedding?” I have to clean up the mess I’ve stirred.
“In the spring. We’ll celebrate both that and Shehzade’s departure to the sanjak at the same time,” Valide replies without much enthusiasm. Gulcicek chimes in:
“It’ll be a grand celebration. One worthy of Ayshe and Murad...”
“And what does the Sovereign think about this?”
“It’s his command, Selinj,” my aunt smiles triumphantly. I’m stunned for the third time today. This doesn’t sound like Father. In our family, it’s usually the women who are ruthless. The men are fair and merciful. While I recover from the shock, the Sultans start discussing preparations. I no longer want to see my cousin’s sadness or listen to the chatter of these crowned heads, so I hurry to take my leave:
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go now. Once again, congratulations, Sultans...”
Gracefully rising from the cushions, I hug Ayshe and, with a bow, leave the chambers, where silence lingers for a few more minutes after my departure.
Of course, I know the court’s rules, but I’ve never agreed with them. No, I can’t accept that a woman must marry someone she doesn’t love just because someone decided it should be so... Ruin her life for politics? No way!
Right now, I don’t understand a lot of things, but I’m perfectly clear on one: it’s time to save my cousin. And only one person can do that—Her Majesty Amira Sultan, my mother. She, more than anyone, has a sharp mind and the ferocity of a lioness, plus she knows how to wield the Padishah’s trust. Not wanting to waste a minute, I rush past bewildered servants like a meteor and quickly enter Valide’s chambers. Amira Sultan, unaware of anything, sits calmly on her ottoman, embroidering with golden thread. Her silvery dress exquisitely highlights her natural beauty, and her crown adds a harmonious shimmer, safeguarding her status. I swear, among all the residents of Topkapi, she most resembles a true empress. Noble, majestic, and dangerous. Giving me a surprised look, she asks calmly:
“Is there a fire, or are we under attack?”
“What? No, Valide. I just...”
Notes of displeasure begin to appear in her eyes.
“Then what is this, Selinj? What kind of behavior is this? Where’s your respect? Leave my chambers at once and come back properly!”
I lower my eyes, bowing respectfully.
“Forgive me, Valide. I’m upset by some news...”
“News? What’s happened now?” Mother’s tone gradually softens.
“I just came from Valide Sultan’s chambers. Did you know they’re marrying off Ayshe? And to whom! To Osman Pasha, someone she doesn’t even know! They want the wedding to coincide with Murad’s departure to the sanjak. We can’t let this happen, Valide. We have to do something! You’ll help, right?”
For a while, Mother remains silent, but her expression doesn’t show surprise. It’s more like she’s considering her response. But how did she find out? Did someone beat me to it?
“Selinj, my daughter, calm down. You said Osman Pasha. What did Valide and Gulcicek say about him? Were they happy?”
“Happy? They’re over the moon! And Dilruba...”
“Dilruba? She was there too?”
“Yes, she arrived with me...”
“So, what about her?”
“She can’t stop praising him. Everyone’s fawning over him... Is it true he saved Father?”
“It’s true... So, they’re happy. That’s wonderful...” Mother smiles contentedly and leans back on the divan.
“Wonderful? We need to save Ayshe... You don’t seem surprised?”
“My dear, less passion. You remind me so much of myself when I was young. I was just as fiery. But over time, life taught me to take things more lightly... I already know this news, Selinj. I’m the one who suggested the idea to the Sovereign. As I see it, everything is going according to plan.”
“What? How? That’s not true! You wouldn’t do this, Valide! Why would you need this?” Can you imagine the extent of my shock? She smiles, gently gesturing to the spot beside her, where I immediately sit.
“Shall I tell you a secret? Promise to keep it. Osman Pasha is my ally. I created him. Everything he has, he owes to me. By marrying him to Ayshe, I’ll know every move Gulcicek makes. Not a single bird will fly there without our knowledge.”
“But... Ayshe... What’s her fault? Why should she be a victim of these intrigues? Gulcicek Sultan doesn’t even dare step against us as it is. And if she does, now you have me. Isn’t there another way? This is cruel, Valide!”
“You have no idea, Selinj, what it cost me to be sitting here talking to you now. You can’t imagine the dangers I’ve faced and the things I’ve seen! Life is a bit more complicated than you think. At any moment, your friend can turn into your enemy. Here, everyone is driven by self-interest! It’s just the way things flow. If you go against the current, you’ll be crushed. You can’t trust anyone, Selinj! No one! I lie awake at night worrying about your future, about how to protect you from harm, because you are the most precious thing in my life! And what’s precious to you? Do you value Ayshe’s married life above protecting your brother? Really? We can’t take risks. You call me cruel? Maybe. Because I won’t choose my methods when I fight for you, even if it’s against the devil himself. And if I have to burn in hell to create your happy ‘tomorrow,’ I won’t stop protecting you. You can’t judge me...” She speaks softly and tenderly, but no less seriously for it.
I silently lower my head. Yes, I love Ayshe, but nothing is more important than Murad’s future. And now I realize that I, too, am capable of worse to protect him...
“Just make sure he doesn’t hurt Ayshe, okay?” I say submissively, as if it’s a duty. Amira Sultan smiles, stroking my hair with her silky hand.
“I promise you, he won’t hurt her...”
I sigh and cuddle up to her. Her warmth and affection calm me. I feel a surge of strength and energy with every breath she takes. As long as Mother is near, everything seems trivial.
“Will you help me prepare Murad’s departure to the sanjak?” she asks with a gentle smile.
“Of course, Mommy. Will you go to the sanjak with my brother?”
“Probably... As the Sovereign wishes...”
“I don’t want Murad to leave yet, Valide...”
“I know, my dear... Neither do I... But don’t worry, you’ll be able to visit him often. Murad himself doesn’t want to go without you. You two are so close. I’m so proud of you...”
“And Gevherhan?”
“Is she drifting away from you? It saddens me to see that. I love all three of you equally...”
“No, I didn’t mean that. Will she go with Murad too?”
“Of course... Unless she asks to stay at Topkapi herself...”
From that moment, silence reigns. I lie in my mother’s arms, listening as she tenderly runs her fingers through my hair. It feels so good, so peaceful... I think I hear angels singing. Am I dreaming? No, it’s Mother’s lullaby floating through the air. First softly, then louder and louder... And suddenly:
“My beautiful Sultans...”
It feels like a wonderful dream. Standing nearby is Father—the majestic Sultan. Perhaps sensing our family harmony, his soul was drawn to listen to the lullaby... I smile, afraid to blink, knowing my vision might disappear. But it doesn’t.
“My Sovereign...” Valide whispers tenderly and softly, mentally wondering why I’m not getting up. Only in this moment do I realize it’s all real, as I must have dozed off and didn’t hear the creak of the door. Rubbing my eyes, I quickly rise from Mother’s embrace, but he stops me:
“Shh, stay. Sing, Amira. Let me admire you both, let my soul rest...”
Mother and I beam with beautiful smiles. Her song rises again, illuminating our souls. The Sovereign watches us from a distance for a while, then sits beside us and wraps us both in his strong arms. In those moments, I was infinitely happy...
Finally, evening arrives. Understanding that I’m somewhat in the way of my parents, I find an excuse to leave, hugging them both tightly before I go.
Walking down the endless corridor to my chambers, I smile dreamily. For some reason, I feel that no matter what hardships Valide has endured in life, moments like these are the reward worth fighting for. This is true feminine happiness. I’m proud to be born of great love and sincerely dream of feeling what my mother feels right now in her chambers. She’s with her beloved. I, on the other hand, don’t know what love is. I don’t believe in it. But I long to find out...
My loyal servants, spotting me from afar, open the doors, and I find myself in my chambers. “Finally, evening,” I think to myself. It’s been a long day, no denying that.
“Sultan, I’ve been waiting for you... I have news...” Jem rushes toward me.
“What news? Not about Ayshe’s marriage, I hope?”
“Yes, how did you know?”
“How do you know, more like it. Valide Sultan told me...”
“I overheard Hatice Hatun telling Melek Kalfa about it,” the girl replies, a bit sadly. She clearly wanted to be the first to bring me such news. And it is important news. I smile approvingly:
“I’m not afraid of anything as long as loyal and vigilant people like you surround me, Jem. I ran into Hatice, and she didn’t tell me. If the poor thing knew you overheard her conversation...”
For some reason, the whole situation makes me laugh, and soon my chambers are filled with ringing laughter—first mine, then my friend’s.
“Will you have dinner, Sultan?” the girl finally asks, to which I reply firmly:
“No, I ate with Valide. And with the Sovereign. Prepare my bed, I’m exhausted.”
“As you wish.”
While the skilled odalisques prepare my bed, Jem helps me remove all my jewelry and change into a nightgown—a white velvet dress that’s not only beautiful but also comfortable. Finally, everything is ready.
“Is there anything else you desire, Sultan?” the servant asks as per tradition. I remain silent, carefully considering something... “Sultan?”
“Everyone, leave us!... Yes, Jem. There is something I desire,” I say, surprising even myself, but I feel it’s now or never. “But it’s very dangerous.”
“Tell me, Selinj Sultan. I’ll do anything for you,” Jem interrupts, and I smile warmly. She’s an incredibly brave girl.
“Wonderful. I knew I could count on you. Go to the harem and find Kiraz Aga. Give him this,” I say, pulling a small pouch full of gold coins from a chest and handing it to Jem. Her eyes widen as she clutches it in surprise.
“But for what?”
“It’s a fear neutralizer for our Kiraz. Didn’t you know?” I smile.
“What should I tell him?”
“Give him this and say it’s time. Tomorrow at noon, he should have everything ready.”
“Ready for what?” the poor girl asks, growing wary. “Sultan, you’re scaring me...”
“He knows everything... Go now...” Thinking that gold alone might not be enough to keep that coward from getting scared, I stop the servant: “Tell him if things go south, I’ll take full responsibility.”
Bowing to me, the servant leaves the chambers to carry out the strange errand. Indeed, the spirit of my Valide lives in me... The thirst for all these intrigues and secrets has been familiar to me since childhood. I take a deep breath and head to bed. Covering myself completely with the blanket, I finally warm up. Mild excitement about tomorrow pleasantly unsettles me, so even in my sleep, I’m in a state of anxious anticipation that brings me a certain thrill. Can one live in eternal peace? Oh no, that kind of life isn’t for me...