The class with the third-years went smoothly. Before it started, I took a painkiller for my headache, handed out the lab assignments, and sat quietly at my desk.
I tried my best to pretend everything was fine, but the seeds of resentment had already taken deep root in my chest. The disappointment from the encounter flowed through my veins, poisoning my blood. It’s not that I expected anything different after so many years, but I’d have preferred not to see those eyes at all…
Get him out of your head, Ksenia! Just erase him from your memory, the way time erased even the faintest trace of you from his life.
We’re not even in the same building or department, so I’ll only see him occasionally, and only if I’m unlucky. Like today. What was he even doing in our wing?
Despite my efforts to convince myself otherwise, the new professor’s eyes kept haunting me, a constant reminder. My first love turned into my greatest disappointment and pain. Turns out, that pain still cuts into my heart…
Classes were wrapping up, and it was time to head out to meet Arisha, but the thought of Pototsky roaming the hallways sent shivers through me. So, I first ducked into a corner of the department where a sink sat in a makeshift kitchenette.
I splashed water on my face and caught Jen’s gaze in the mirror. This girl, who my younger brother was clearly into—though they both pretended otherwise—never pried into other people’s business. Even now, she didn’t ask unnecessary questions, but her steady look told me she’d noticed my state.
“The rector wants to see you.”
“Got it. Thanks.”
I nodded and forced a smile. No matter what, I always tried to be friendly with everyone and keep my life under control. So, I splashed my face with cold water once more and smiled at my reflection this time.
This is temporary. Everything is temporary. This feeling of confusion and regret over the past is temporary too. Because my present is waiting for me, and I can’t let it be ruined by old high school hurts! Even if it’s a broken heart. I’ll slap a few strips of duct tape over the scars, put on a smile, and march forward with pride, like I always have!
I knocked, but there was no answer. The secretary, Lyuda, wasn’t at her desk, so I closed the door behind me and slipped past the empty table.
The rector had been out of the university for two weeks, attending some super-important conference abroad. And though I’m a grown woman now, I missed him so much I wanted to curl up in his lap like a child.
The rector was only fifty-four, but his hair had already gone completely gray. Still, paired with his lively gray eyes and fit, athletic build, it looked quite harmonious.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, looking intently into my eyes.
And his voice was the most familiar, the most comforting.
I glanced around. No one was nearby, so I walked around the desk and threw my arms around Vladimir Valentinovich. His strong arm wrapped around my shoulders while the other hand stroked my hair.
“I’ve missed you too, Dad.”
Not many at the university knew that Bogdan and I were the rector’s children. My brother and I had decided that ourselves, wanting to achieve something in life without the shadow of Dad’s name over us.
“Is everything okay with you? Are you sick?”
“No, just tired. But you’ll be happy to know that Gordenko finally approved my article.”
Dad’s smile radiated warmth, just like his embrace. I pressed myself against his sturdy chest one last time before stepping back. Someone could walk in at any moment.
“And Bogdan?”
“He’s got a comedy club performance at some event today. But I told him you’re back, so we’ll swing by tonight.”
Dad sat down at his desk, his white shirt stretching over his broad shoulders. Arisha always teased that with such a standard of a man in front of me, I’d never find a worthy guy. She’s not entirely wrong.
“Good. Now, to business. I didn’t call you here just for a chat, Ksenia. Have you met the new physics professor yet?”
Oh no… No, no, no! Dad wouldn’t bring him up for no reason. I barely stopped myself from interrupting whatever he was about to say next. In my mind, I was already jumping up and running down the hallway in a panic, but my backside stayed planted on the chair because right now, it wasn’t my dad speaking—it was the rector. I could tell by the businesslike tone of his voice. All I managed was a nod in response.
“Excellent. Starting tomorrow, he’s under your wing. The conference in Sweden is just three months away, and he, along with two students, will be representing our university. Pototsky needs to adapt quickly. You’ll show him around. Professor Chernenko will introduce him to the lab.”
“Vladimir Valentinovich, wouldn’t it be better to assign this to a grad student from the physics department?”
I asked as if I were being reasonable, though inside I was itching to whine, “Why me?”
“The student selection for the conference is in two weeks. The physics department doesn’t have any spare hands right now. All you need to do is show him around the university and answer any questions he might have.”
“But I… I’d rather not take this on.”
“Ksenia, are there any real reasons for refusing?”
I probably could’ve told him, but I was too embarrassed. *Your teenage daughter got her heart broken by a high school teacher, Daddy.* Not exactly something I wanted to share…
“I’ve just got a ton on my plate. It’s the start of winter. Exams are coming up. Students are behind on attendance and unfinished labs. And I should already be looking for a topic for my next article. What about my dissertation?”
“Ksenia, sweetheart, I barely managed to lure Pototsky to our university. He had other great offers—after all, it’s no small feat to be a professor at thirty-two! Vasilevich is retiring to spend time with his grandkids, and we couldn’t find anyone better than Arthur Andrews. We need him, especially for this conference in Sweden! I wouldn’t trust just anyone with this when I know you’ll do it perfectly.”
Dad’s shoulders slumped with exhaustion, and only now did I notice the dark circles under his eyes. His wrinkles seemed deeper, standing out sharply on his familiar face. He was tired. Terribly so. These trips and administrative duties were taking their toll, leaving marks on his body.
My heart clenched. Time plays survival games with us all, but please, not with him…
“Alright. I’ll take care of it.”
I didn’t even realize how I’d agreed. I just wanted that wave of exhaustion to leave Dad’s eyes. His forehead did smooth out, and a smile lit up his face.
“I knew I could count on you! You’ve only got one early class tomorrow. Meet the professor at the main entrance right after. I’ll arrange it.”
When I left the rector’s office, the secretary still wasn’t at her desk. I reached for the door and noticed it was slightly ajar. I could’ve sworn I’d closed it—or had I just imagined that?
I walked down the hallway, responding to students’ greetings, staring at the floor beneath my feet and the signs on the walls, while a tornado raged inside me. The same one, with blue eyes. The only thing that comforted me was that Pototsky didn’t have a clue who I was, even in his dreams. I’ll show him around the buildings, answer a few questions, and that’ll be the end of it. Eight years is a long time; no wonder he forgot.
That’s how I tried to calm my frayed nerves, though in truth, I was anxious to the point of grinding my teeth.
Meeting Arthur Andrews again, talking to him, walking beside him. And oh, I almost forgot—trying not to faint from the sheer joy of it and keeping myself in check so I don’t accidentally trip him on the stairs. Hey, my heart shattered into pieces; wouldn’t it be fair if at least his nose took a hit?