HOW TO MAKE A BILLIONAIRE DRAGON PAY TAXES
Chapter 1. In the Kingdom of Dmitrius
Once upon a time, in a far-off kingdom, there lived a king named Dmitrius. He was a kind and courteous man, but like any king, he was always short on cash. Well, not exactly for himself, but for his queen, who had a never-ending list of whims and fancies. One day it was a new dress, the next it was longer eyelashes, then a fresh manicure, a red carpet rolled out in front of the palace, or some fancy pedigree pigeons to keep as pets... King Dmitrius had already started letting his subjects into the forest, which had previously been strictly off-limits, handed over a fox to the royal zoo for the kids’ entertainment, and even pawned his own wedding ring just to keep the queen happy and content. But no matter what he did, it was never enough! The queen’s desires knew no bounds. Finally, in desperation, the king summoned his advisor.
“Tell me, my good man, what am I supposed to do? Where can I get more money? How do I fill the royal treasury? How do I keep from losing the shirt off my back with all these demands from the queen? Should we raise taxes?” Dmitrius lamented.
“Your Majesty, your subjects pay their taxes on time. Raising them could lead to widespread poverty among the people,” the advisor replied sensibly.
“So what, am I supposed to sell a kidney or my liver just to get some cash?” the king exclaimed in frustration.
“There is a solution, Your Majesty,” the advisor said after a few moments of thought.
“What’s that? Get a divorce?” the disheartened king asked.
“Now, why go to such extremes? There’s another option. In your kingdom, it’s not just humans who live here—there are dragons too. And did you know that one of those dragons is a billionaire?”
“No way! You’re pulling my leg,” the king burst out. “Good grief! Some green lizard is sitting on billions while I, the king, am scraping by? That’s what I get for having a wife! I swear, I’m getting a divorce, I really am.”
“Why talk about divorce? All you need to do is make that billionaire dragon pay taxes,” the advisor said calmly, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
“And who’s gonna make him do that? Do I need to find some knight for the job? Or maybe offer up a sacrifice to sweet-talk him with compliments? Or send a bard to sing day and night about how kind, smart, and charismatic this dragon is?” Dmitrius mused aloud.
“I don’t think any of that will be necessary. I suggest sending the royal treasurer—specifically, our lady treasurer,” the advisor offered as a straightforward solution. “Let her demand the taxes from him. It’s her job, after all, according to her official duties.”
“That’s a good idea, a real good one. Why didn’t I think of that myself? But what if this billionaire dragon just swallows our treasurer whole?”
“If only he would swallow her,” the advisor muttered under his breath. Then, louder, he added, “Even if he did, he’d probably choke on her. Our treasurer can collect taxes from anyone—she doesn’t let a single soul slip through her fingers.”
“Alright then. Summon the treasurer. I’ll announce my decision to her,” the king said, pleased with the quick fix to his problem.
A short while later, the treasurer arrived for an audience with the king. She was an attractive young woman with a sharp gaze and a commanding presence.
“The advisor was right—this woman could collect taxes from anyone. I’ll be lucky to keep my pants on around her,” King Dmitrius thought to himself.
“Greetings, my most esteemed King. Why did you summon me? Are there more expenses coming up? Are we celebrating a new record? Or maybe a giveaway with sweet prizes? Another challenge, perhaps? Or a flash mob?” the treasurer, Maniella, inquired with curiosity.
“Greetings to you too, Maniella,” the king managed to say, pulling himself together, wiping his mouth, and responding to the woman. “I’ve got a task for you. You’re in charge of making sure everyone in our fine kingdom of Booknet pays their taxes, right? That’s you. So why have you overlooked the worst tax dodger of them all?” Dmitrius decided to go all in.
“All-knowing and most honorable King, that’s not true. Everyone in your kingdom pays their taxes, except for those you’ve personally exempted: the queen and the advisor. I have all the reports and proof to back it up,” Maniella replied.
“You’re not thinking of the right person,” the king continued to bluff, unsure how Maniella would react to the next tax evader on the list. “Why hasn’t the billionaire dragon paid taxes even once?”
“Pfft…” Maniella was taken aback. “And who’s supposed to make him pay taxes? He’s a dragon, for crying out loud.”
“You are,” the king declared firmly.