On the Fact That Horses Come in All Kinds
“Hey. Why do you keep fainting all the time? Not that carrying you is such a burden, but it’s inconvenient. This forest is crawling with all sorts of things. Bandits, lesser demons,” the half-breed grumbled mournfully. Marina kept her eyes shut, stubbornly pretending she hadn’t come to yet. He shouldn’t have dragged her off to who-knows-where without her consent. Now let him carry her until he regrets his rash decision. “What if we’re attacked while you’re in my arms? Am I supposed to toss you into the nearest tree and hope no one reaches you—or that you don’t fall out on your own? And if you do fall, where am I supposed to find another Keeper? They’re usually guarded by entire armies. I thought I’d hit the jackpot with you. Who knew you’d be so fragile? The slightest thing happens, and boom, you’re out cold, leaving poor little half-demon me to deal with whatever comes next.”
Marina hadn’t considered the possibility of an attack. Maybe fainting wasn’t such a brilliant idea after all. And if she imagined herself being hurled into a tree with full force, it seemed like an even worse plan.
“Get off me,” she pleaded with feeling. “I didn’t ask to be dragged into this forest.”
Deneen snorted and unceremoniously dropped the pretender from his arms.
“Jerk,” Marina muttered under her breath. And there was no escaping it. Surviving on her own in a forest teeming with bandits and demons who wouldn’t hesitate to make a meal of her? She didn’t stand a chance. When it came down to choosing between hunting for some fragments Deneen needed or trying to figure out where the mirror this gray creep had crawled through was located, Marina sensibly opted for the former. Better odds of staying alive. She’d figure out the rest later. Maybe along the way, she’d run into someone kind who’d send her back home.
She didn’t hold out much hope for that, though.
The spiteful kidnapper tilted his head back, scanning the treetops for some reason, and took a sharp breath. Then he turned a scrutinizing gaze on Marina, who was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.
“Climb onto my back and hold on tight. We’ve got to run,” Deneen ordered in a commanding tone.
“What?” Marina blinked in confusion. The half-demon tensed, seeming to sniff the air, suddenly reminding her of a werewolf.
“We need to get out of here, you idiot! Otherwise, we’ll have to fight. I can sense a demon.”
“What?!”
“Get on my back!” he barked. “Or do you want to meet a pureblood demon? A lesser one. I guarantee you’ve never seen anything like it, even in your worst nightmares.”
Marina had no desire to see a demon, so she obediently climbed onto the back of her now-almost-familiar kidnapper, wrapping her arms around his neck. She was tempted to strangle him, much like she often wanted to throttle her darling sister after one of her antics.
“Hold on,” Deneen said, and then he took off.
Marina couldn’t even manage a scream. His gray hair blocked her view, whipping into her eyes. Opening her mouth in this situation would’ve been pure madness. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the incredible speed at which he raced through the forest, leaping over obstacles, pushing off trees, and darting side to side. She clung on for dear life, mentally begging her arms to be strong and enduring. If she could’ve spoken, she would’ve cursed out her makeshift steed with words she didn’t even know she had in her vocabulary. The only consolation was that she’d been up late on her laptop and hadn’t gone to bed before the half-demon appeared. Traveling through a forest in pajamas would’ve been downright miserable, and she’d have to worry about losing her slippers. She needed to demand more suitable footwear from her kidnapper. Let him find it wherever he could—even if it meant stealing from the local bandits. Assuming, of course, they had her size.
Marina’s mind wandered a bit from the wild ride on her “horse” as she pondered how ridiculous it was to be thinking about clothing when there was a real chance someone might make her their dinner—or breakfast, or even save a bit for lunch. Letting out a hysterical giggle, she chalked it up to shock and went back to thinking about clothes. She didn’t want to stand out in a crowd here. As long as they didn’t wear corsets. Or those wooden shoes Japanese geishas wore.
“Damn it, it’s not giving up,” Deneen said, coming to an abrupt stop.
“What?!” Marina screeched, nearly continuing the sprint-flight on her own, almost yanking out half of her kidnapper’s mane in the process.
“The demon’s catching up!” the half-breed roared. “Let go of my hair, you’re getting in the way! Hold onto my back and try not to look at whatever’s chasing us.”
“What?” Marina was starting to feel like a complete idiot. She somehow managed to release the long strand of hair and froze awkwardly, unable to figure out what to do next.
“Duck!”
“What?!!”
What happened next unfolded faster than Marina could process what the gray jerk wanted from her this time.
The thing that burst out from behind a massive tree looked like a jumble of jaws and spikes mashed into a blob of darkness. Marina distantly thought that her kidnapper clearly underestimated the kind of nightmares she could have after watching horror movies. Deneen pulled a sword from somewhere and lunged at the jaws, unleashing a stream of fire ahead of him. Then he swung the sword a few times, the blade humming like a transformer and spitting sparks like a cheap Chinese firework fountain. In the process, he chopped down an innocent tree and watched with satisfaction as the jaws and spikes scattered in all directions. A few sharp remnants of the monster whizzed past Marina, who stood rooted to the spot. She stared after them in surprise, then shot an annoyed glare at her kidnapper and let him have every pent-up frustration she’d been holding in. Deneen probably didn’t understand half of it, staring at her like she was a squirrel that had just started talking.
“And anyway, I need proper shoes, and you need a hair tie,” Marina concluded her rant. She wanted to sit on the ground, bury her face in her hands, and either giggle or cry. She hadn’t decided yet which form her breakdown would take.
“Uh-huh,” Deneen replied in a tone that made it clear she wouldn’t be getting shoes anytime soon, and a hair tie was out of the question forever.
“If you don’t like something, take me back home. Otherwise, I’ll make your life a living hell,” Marina promised confidently. Anger bubbled and swelled inside her. Why was this happening to her? Who had she annoyed so much up there in the heavens with her complaints about fate? Couldn’t they have shown her that things weren’t as bad as they seemed in some other way?
The half-demon had managed to irritate Marina so much that she’d completely stopped being afraid.
“Uh-huh,” Deneen repeated. This time, with a bit of imagination, one could detect a hint of agreement. With something unknown. Maybe with his inner voice. Or his intuition. “You’re braver than I thought.”
“I demand shoes,” she said, refusing to be swayed by flattery.
“Where am I supposed to get shoes in the middle of a forest?”
He even looked around, as if hoping to spot a tree growing sneakers nearby.
“Figure it out,” she declared without compromise, surprised to discover she could speak in such a tone. “You’re a man. Solving problems is your natural duty.”
Marina sat down on the ground and prepared to wait.
“Am I the only one this lucky?” the half-breed muttered to the empty air.
Instead of rushing off to find shoes, he walked over to Marina, unceremoniously slung her over his shoulder, and headed off somewhere.
“Hey!” She pounded his back a few times with her fists. Hanging over his shoulder was incredibly uncomfortable. “What if I get a brain hemorrhage?”
“You won’t,” Deneen said with confidence.
“You pale-faced jerk.”
“Fine, hold on. We’ll look for shoes,” he announced optimistically after walking about a hundred meters. “Somewhere farther from here. I’m afraid that after I used the power of the fire element, every demon in the area is probably racing toward us. Or do you want to take a look at them? For comparison, or just to spite me?”
“No, I don’t,” Marina admitted reluctantly. Who knew what crazy ideas might pop into his head? Men often acted like children—whiny, sulky children. She’d had plenty of chances to see that for herself.
The half-breed deftly shifted her onto his back and took off running again with renewed vigor. The new sprint did nothing to improve Marina’s mood. She wanted to destroy her kidnapper with her own hands, to kill him slowly and savor every moment, laughing maniacally as bloody chunks flew everywhere. She hadn’t even suspected she had such sadistic tendencies until now. And it seemed she’d broken all records for bad luck today. Should she try crying?
But who had ever cared about her tears? Only her mom, back when she was a kid. This yellow-eyed guy didn’t remotely resemble her mom. Or her dad, for that matter.
Marina pictured Deneen in her mom’s favorite sundress and started giggling.
Well, hello there, hysteria. I’ve been expecting you.
Giggling into his gray hair was convenient, and the best part was that her kidnapper stumbled a couple of times, hissing and muttering curses under his breath.
“I’m out for revenge, and my vengeance will be terrible-e-e-e,” Marina sang off-key, determined to test the gray steed’s nerves to the limit. This time, his luxurious mane didn’t bother her—she’d pinned it down with her hand just in time. “Then different times will come. And it’ll be curtains for everyone-e-e-e.”
“Did she hit her head or something?” Deneen asked the nearest tree.
He didn’t wait for an answer, darting off again with agility.
Half-demons must be the best mounts in the world. She wondered if anyone took bets on their races.
“And suddenly the silence will ring out. Hey, hopa-dritsa, na-na-na-a-a-a,” Marina continued to belt out.
No forest rangers or medics emerged at the sound of her singing. Not even a sensitive squirrel fell from a tree. What a shame. Nothing ever went the way it should.