Funny thing: every moment holds a mix of nostalgia and something new, something utterly unique.
“Good morning,” Izumi greeted me.
“Yeah,” I replied in my usual monotone.
The immortal being I’ve known almost since birth stood by the window, gazing at the first rays of the rising sun. Darkness meeting light… It’s pretty strange that the light doesn’t scare her—quite the opposite, she seems to enjoy it.
“You know, sometimes I wonder who you really are.”
“Hmm?”
“Yeah, on the outside, you look like materialized darkness: black hair cascading like a canvas, eyes reflecting the depths of despair, clothes in various shades of black… And yet, your actions aren’t evil at all. Even the fact that you called me your daughter.”
“Does darkness always have to be evil?”
Her gaze was unbiased, piercing, serious… She was waiting for an answer.
“So, darkness isn’t the same as evil?”
I propped myself up on my elbows, staring just as intently at the one who saved me so many years ago… So much time has passed, yet that day still plays vividly in my mind… A world turned upside down after death, a woman screaming in pain, curses all around, a huge crowd of people… Some man tried to push through the mob, but he couldn’t make it.
No, in my past life, I was far from an angel. I did plenty of terrible things—murders and robberies piled up on my record. So, after a bullet met my heart, I expected to shake hands with Satan, dive into Hell, and enjoy all the perks of a sinner’s afterlife, not to witness a public childbirth.
While mulling over how something like this could even happen, I somehow missed the moment when a gruff, hulking, unpleasant-looking man snatched my newborn body from the midwife’s hands.
I only noticed when the redheaded beauty, who had just been screaming in agony, reached out for me. Judging by her tone, she was pleading with the man for something, but his expression didn’t change. He showed no hint of compassion for the young mother.
As my mom lay at the feet of the man who took me, this lunatic placed his foot on her back and pressed down hard, forcing her to cry out and let out a pained moan. I don’t know what he said to her after that—I couldn’t understand a single word. All I have are vague guesses based on what I saw, the expressions on their faces, and the sounds, tones, and noises I heard.
“Darkness is just the absence of light, nothing more, nothing less.”
“Tell that to my inner source.”
“And who said the energy inside you is darkness?”
“I don’t know… Maybe you did?”
“Your source is the power of the emotions you’ve absorbed from people, simply bound by darkness that has the ability to conceal the unwanted. It’s what holds that energy in and keeps it from leaking out. You know that losing control over yourself could mean the destruction of the entire world.”
“Hey, no need to paint me as some walking, unstoppable bomb.”
“Rin, looks like someone’s here for you,” Izumi said, pointing at the door before dissolving like darkness… Though, why say ‘like’?
Just as the brunette predicted, a knock came at the door a few seconds later.
“Miss Bais, I’m coming in,” announced a voice that reminded me of a robot: cold, detached, with a metallic edge.
And yet, hired servants in Mr. Bais’s castle… Damn it all! Did she just call me Miss Bais?
“You’re mistaken. I’m Miss Fayden,” I corrected the maid who had just opened the door.
Stunned. Is that fear? Or maybe shock… I’m not sure. Probably all of the above.
“K-Kayla?”
“Excuse me?” the ghost from my past life replied just as indifferently.
If I think logically, there’s no way my dead friend could be standing in front of me right now. Especially considering she spent her last moments in my arms. It was after her death that I went down the path of a sinner, becoming practically invincible—because my weakness died with her.
“Miss, are you unwell?”
“No, I’m fine. I just mistook you for an old acquaintance.”
“Mr. Bais has requested that you hurry and join him for breakfast.”
Does he wake up around five in the morning too? I can’t think of any other reason why he’d invite me to join him for breakfast at five-thirty.
“Tell him I can’t make it. Thanks to his actions yesterday, I couldn’t go home to grab my things.”
“Mr. Bais took care of the bride’s wardrobe before your arrival.”
“Which bride are we talking about?”
Kayla’s doppelgänger didn’t answer. She just silently walked over to a wardrobe that wasn’t there yesterday, opened the doors, and revealed a variety of dresses to my eyes—but only in two colors: red and black.
“Is Mr. Bais colorblind?”
“Mr. Bais believes these two colors suit you best.”
He’s a weird one, I’ll give him that.
“I’d recommend this dress, miss,” the girl said, pulling out a dress the color of capillary blood, with a sunburst skirt and a cross-shaped collar.
“I’d prefer black.”
“Mr. Bais isn’t in the mood for that today, miss.”
I don’t get it. What does that mean? How does Hayden Bais’s mood affect the color and style of my clothes?
“Miss, Mr. Hayden is waiting. It’s best not to keep him waiting too long.”
Yeah, this definitely isn’t my Kayla. The girl in front of me is cold, strictly following her master’s orders. That sweet, gentle friend who once saved me with her kindness is gone.
Though some events have started to fade, I remember that day down to the smallest detail: a fifteen-year-old kicked out of her home with nowhere to go, finding nothing better than to sit under a fence near the road. Yeah, my life was a real mess back then… And there was plenty of darkness in it until this walking ray of sunshine showed up with her bright umbrella.
All smiles, sweet, and colorful, she burst into my gloomy world and lit it up with her kindness. She wasn’t scared of my ‘thorns’ and, in the end, tamed the beast in human form—a beast that would one day bring about her end… But what’s the point of dwelling on regret when nothing can be fixed? Revenge was taken long ago, and that life ended twenty years back.
“What are you doing?” I asked the maid, who had grabbed the hem of my nightgown.
“I want to help you change, miss.”
“Do I look like a little kid who can’t dress herself?”
“It’s normal for ladies to let their maids dress them.”
“Sorry, but I can handle it myself. Please step out and wait for me there.”
“As you wish,” the maid finally relented.
I don’t like this castle, its owner, the staff here, this wardrobe… I need to find a way to break off this engagement without harming myself. Is that even possible?
Hmm… In the end, the dress fits my figure perfectly, and I don’t look half bad in it. Just my hair… I need to pin it up. Yeah, something like this.
Good thing this newly appeared wardrobe has a mirror on the door. Without it, this would’ve been a lot harder. I might’ve even had to call for help or just leave my hair down.
“Miss, is everything alright with you?”
Other than the engagement contract my uncle signed?
“Just peachy.”
“Can we go now?”
What if I showed up to him naked? Would he think I’m crazy and call off the engagement? Not a bad idea, honestly, but something tells me it’d backfire: either I wouldn’t make it to him (thanks to the staff’s efforts), or my flower would be plucked in a place and under circumstances that aren’t exactly ideal. And by someone who shouldn’t be plucking it.
Speaking of creeps! My not-so-dear fiancé with his dark little secrets was sitting on his throne-like chair, sipping a drink the color of buckwheat honey.
“The sun hasn’t even risen, and Mr. Bais is already drinking…”
“Good morning to you too, Iriniya. Miro, you’re dismissed.”
Kayla’s double bowed and left, leaving me alone with the alcoholic. Why is fate so cruel to me? Sure, I’ve sinned, but I didn’t ruin people’s lives to this extent. I killed quickly and painlessly, never raped or tortured anyone.
“Do you often sample hard drinks in the morning?”
“I prefer grape-based beverages.”
“White?”
“Red, semi-sweet. Haven’t you noticed how much it resembles blood?”
What is he, a psycho?
“To each their own, esteemed Mr. Bais, to each their own… Still, I’d recommend eating something with it. Drinking such beverages can have pretty negative consequences.”
“Worried about my life?”
“Thinking about my reputation. Not many would want to marry a widow.”
“Don’t worry, that’s not a risk for you.”
I don’t know why, but I didn’t dare ask, “Why?” I was too scared to hear the answer.
“Don’t be shy, eat. All these dishes were prepared especially for you.”
“And you?”
“I’ll eat later.”
“Then why ask for a shared meal?”
“I wanted to spend time with you, since we’ll soon be husband and wife.”
“Then let’s start by getting to know each other better. No need to rush the wedding.”
“What’s stopping us from getting to know each other after the wedding?”
“Are you afraid that once I know you, I’ll run?”
“My dear, there’s no way you could ever run from me.”
Whoa! So that’s how it is…
“I don’t get it: are you that insecure, or just overly confident?”
“Don’t overthink it, just eat. You’re too skinny as it is.”
“And why do you care about my figure? If you don’t like it, don’t look. No one’s forcing you.”
“Hah, we’ll be sharing a bed, so it concerns me too. I don’t exactly want to be distracted from lovemaking by protruding bones.”
“Yeah, definitely the topic to bring up while I’m chewing. Thanks.”
“Always happy to help,” the handsome man smiled rather charmingly.
I sat there, eating, keeping an eye on my fiancé out of the corner of my vision. As if on purpose, he didn’t take his eyes off me.
Annoying.
“Why me? There are plenty of willing candidates for this spot, so why? And how did you convince my uncle and aunt with just a look?”
“Eat, Iriniya, eat. We’ll talk later.”
Is he some witch from a fairy tale? Fattening me up just to eat me later?
Fine, at least I’ll die full. Though in this life, I can’t recall ever going hungry. Unfortunately, the memory of those starving days lingers: a dark room, loneliness, impenetrable darkness, fear, and hunger. Naturally, I stuffed myself at every opportunity, even when I led a gang and lived in abundance.
If you think about it, oblivion is the greatest gift to a person after death. It lets you start life with a clean slate: no memories, no bitter experiences, no preferences… So why wasn’t I given that gift?
“I see the food’s to your liking.”
“I hope there’s no poison in it.”
“Poison? No, no, my dear, unless you count a love potion.”
“That’s the most terrifying and painful poison of all. But I’ll have to disappoint you: it won’t work on me.”
“Has someone already tried to bewitch you?”
Actually, no magic or potions work on me. My dark source devours all kinds of spells and poisons. Kinda boring, really.
Well, the circumstances under which I discovered this were pretty funny: they took me away from my mom, took me somewhere. I couldn’t track where because I fell asleep during the process. When I woke up, I was in the arms of some unkempt woman. Her appearance was off-putting: slanted eyes, crooked nose, creepy smile… And this lady shoved a bottle into my mouth. No, I cried for the sake of decency (though at first I just wanted to huff), but I took the nasty stuff into my mouth. Ate, fell asleep, and woke up the next morning.
I opened my eyes, saw a joyful face, and for some reason, I smiled. The woman screamed, jumped back, and started muttering something. Her eyes were so scared… It made me want to smile even more.
She fed me again, put me down, and left, satisfied… And I, the little brat, woke up again after a while!
After the tenth attempt, when the poor woman flipped a table in frustration, it dawned on me that she was trying to poison me. Of course, I couldn’t help her with that, but oddly, she didn’t try to snap my neck or stab me with a knife.
“Miss, you’re thinking about something pleasant. I hope there’s no other man in your thoughts right now.”
“Who knows…” I smiled mysteriously, gazing lovingly at the dessert.
Yep, the bearer of the purest and strongest dark source loves cakes and all kinds of sweets. That’s how unconventional I am.
“You do realize that as of yesterday, you belong to me?”
“Hmm?”
“From now on, you’re my property.”
“Funny joke.”
“I’m serious.”
“Got a lip-rolling machine handy?”
“A lip… what?”
“Never mind. The point is, marriage isn’t a slave-owning contract. It’s a partnership where both sides at least respect each other and consider themselves equals.”
“You have a very idealistic view of marriage, darling.”
“Sorry, but I won’t settle for anything less,” I smiled sweetly and focused on my food again.
I wouldn’t say I’ve ever seen a couple that meets those standards, but who’s stopping me from being the first? Either that kind of marriage or none at all. I’m not about to put up with disrespect or humiliation. I get enough of that from others.
“How about a walk after eating? The weather’s perfect, and my garden is far from shabby. Trust me, there’s plenty to see in my home.”
“Don’t you have work to do?”
“Today, you’re my work.”
“Where’d you pick up these sugary lines?”
“Ha, you’re funny.”
“And what’s so amusing about me? I don’t recall saying anything like that.”
“Do you always have to be so prickly?”
“Do you always have to pretend?”
“Pretend?”
“Exactly, pretend. You can try to fool anyone, but I know how black your soul is.”
“Because yours is the same?”
“I can neither agree nor disagree. All I can say is, you won’t fool me.”
“Is that so?”
“Mocking me again?”
“Prodding me again?”
“You’re starting to annoy me.”
“I tried my best,” Hayden said with such a radiant smile that I really wanted to punch him.
Hold it together, Iriniya, hold it together. You’ll be the boss! You’ve dealt with worse types. Remember your past life, or at least the man your mother was with in this one…
Once, when I was still a baby, after yet another failed attempt to poison me, that man who took me from my mom right after birth came to me. Yeah, the same one I didn’t like from the start.
He stood over me, speaking quietly at first, but I could feel the venom and hatred in his words… So what? It’s not the first time I’ve been the target of aggression, sometimes for no reason at all. If I could’ve, I would’ve even nodded in agreement about how awful I am and all that…
Just yelling wasn’t enough for the jerk, as it turned out. He grabbed a pillow and tried to cover me with it while I lay carefree in my crib. Of course, I got scared, and in that state, I can’t control my source. By the way, at that point, I had no idea it even existed. I was just overwhelmed by a wave of emotions, and bam! The man squealed like a pig. I didn’t notice the black web on his hands right away, but later I figured that’s how it’s supposed to be. Who knows what he’s infected with.
“Whoa,” said a woman who somehow appeared by my crib. “Did you do that?”
Yep, that woman was Izumi—the only one I could understand.
I was so thrilled to find someone I could comprehend that I wanted to chat with her, but all that came out of my mouth were incoherent sounds, which embarrassed me. It sounded so much better in my head.
“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’? With a source this strong… With it, it won’t be you feeding off me, but me feeding off you. How do I understand you? Easy, I’m the embodiment of absolute darkness.”
The man kept making faces but managed to stand… in a weird, hunched-over way. And once again, he yelled, or maybe screamed… Like I said, I couldn’t understand him.
“As who?” Izumi, unlike me, understood him. “The same patroness of Kristel, who actually has nothing to do with me. What do you mean ‘You’re lying’? Want proof?”
The beauty snapped her fingers, and it was game over for the guy: hideous shadows started closing in on him from all sides, causing him excruciating pain upon contact.
It felt like she was punishing him for the aggression directed at me and my mom. I don’t know why, but I really wanted to cry, and since my body was that of a baby, it was completely expected that I’d start fulfilling that need right away.
“That’s a ‘yes,’ right?”
“Huh?”
“You’ll join me for a walk?”
“Fine.”