Dmytro
I knew it, I just knew I shouldn’t have made a bet with that devil, Oleg, but I guess the alcohol boosted my confidence. And that girl wasn’t even looking at him at first—she was smiling at me, all 32 teeth on display. Come on, how could I resist?
Last night was supposed to end with an interesting follow-up with that redheaded nymph and a grand in my pocket, not… all of this.
Last Night
“Got your eye on that chick? The one in the red swimsuit sitting alone at the table.”
“Yeah, I’ve got my eye on her. We’ve been exchanging looks and smiles for the last 30 minutes. What’s it to you? I’m thinking I should ask her for a walk around the hotel grounds…”
“I’ll bet you a thousand bucks she’s going back to my room tonight, not yours,” he says with a mocking grin.
“Oleg, what the hell? Are there not enough girls around or something? Ever since you split with Khrystya, you’ve been out of control. That was five years ago, man. Chill out, find a decent girl, and date her for real…”
“For real, for real, buddy. I do date girls—several times a night, then they’re free to go,” the idiot laughs. “I wasted so much time with Khrystya, now I’ve gotta live it up, relax, enjoy life. Tell me, if we were tied down with families right now, would we be able to party like this for two weeks straight in the Carpathians without someone nagging us?”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t change the subject. I saw the redhead first, so go find someone else,” I say, genuinely annoyed by my so-called friend.
“Oh, you’re scared… Why’s that? Come on, prove to me—and yourself—that you’ve still got it,” he taunts. Why do I fall for this crap? Now it’s a matter of pride.
“Fine, deal. But I’m going up to her first, then you can figure out how to weasel your way in.”
“Go for it, man! Shake on it?”
“Shake on it!”
While I’m arguing with this moron, I almost lose sight of my target. Ah, there she is, by the bar. Classic move, so here goes:
“Hey, beautiful, I got tired of admiring you from afar. Thought I’d buy you a cocktail and finally learn your name,” I say with a smile, enjoying her shy reaction.
“I’m Ulyana. Sure, you can treat me,” she says, shooting me a flirty look.
“What’ll you have? I’m Dmytro, by the way.”
“A mojito. Nice to meet you.”
I order a couple of cocktails, and we head to a table. I’ve already checked out my new acquaintance from every angle and given her a thumbs-up in my mind. She’s gorgeous—honestly, that’s never a problem in Ukraine. Everywhere you look…
I nearly trip when I see this idiot—sorry, Oleg—charging toward our table.
“Dima, Dima, it’s happening! Your wife’s in labor! We gotta go, now!” he says, eyes wide, barely holding back laughter. I can see it in his face—he’s about to crack up.
While I’m trying to process what’s going on and figure out what wife of mine is supposedly giving birth, Oleg manages to introduce himself to Ulyana. She dumps her drink over my head and storms off toward the pool, fuming.
Oleg…
How do I not kill this jerk?
I spend the rest of the night at the bar, watching him tactfully entertain Ulyana, acting like he’s apologizing for my behavior. Of course, they end up heading to his room later. Once she’s asleep, the victor dramatically kicks open the door to my room:
“So, bro, where’s my thousand bucks?” he says, grinning ear to ear.
“You cheated. It doesn’t count.”
“It counts. We shook on it. We didn’t discuss details or banned tactics, so… But hey, I’ll give you a chance to redeem yourself.”
“Lord, what have you cooked up now?”
“Just go on an excursion. It’s a long one—11 hours in the Optimistic Cave. Pure beauty. I went with a group last year. If you make it to the end, no more debt. And the thousand bucks is yours.”
I hope you choke on your own words, Oleg!
He knows I hate enclosed spaces. I’m not exactly terrified, but I’m a big guy. What if I get stuck between some rocks? I could just say no. Screw the money, even if it’s more than my monthly salary as an investigator.
What a sneaky bastard.
I’m not giving him another chance to stroke his ego.
“Deal,” I say, shaking his hand. I can tell I’ve surprised him.
“Awesome, I’ll book it now, and you’re off on the tour in the morning!”
***
And here we are.
I’m not feeling so great. Of course, Oleg’s already found some girls to flirt with here too. Hopeless creep. God gave me a friend like this… We’ve been tight since we were kids. If I’d known he’d turn out like this, I would’ve kicked his butt more often.
I also had a bit too much to drink last night. My head’s pounding. I’m okay, I guess, but not exactly at 100%. Or maybe it’s fear?
“Nice to meet you. I’m Oksana, your guide for today. Come on in. We’ve got an hour of briefing, then we’ll gear up and head out. Good thing you got here early—11-hour tours need to wrap up before dark, so let’s not waste time.”
I look at my instructor and just nod in approval, all I can manage right now. I’m still hoping this is some kind of joke and I can avoid going underground. I’ve got bad vibes, straight out of a horror movie—and I’m not a fan of those either.
I see enough crap at work. If it’s not dead bodies, it’s car wrecks. You know, the usual.
The gear they’ve given me is weird as hell. I feel like a miner in a ridiculous, ill-fitting jumpsuit, plus a helmet, some extra stuff in a backpack—water, food, and who knows what else. And a headlamp strapped to my forehead.
Good Lord, fine, I get why I’m here—big money’s on the line, which I’ll beat out of my dear friend’s skull if I make it back from this stunt alive, of course. But other people? Do they really pay to crawl around in mud underground? Ha-ha.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that I almost forget to listen to Oksana.
She’s giving the briefing, and I can’t help but think how goofy she looks in her pink jumpsuit. Her pitch-black hair is tied up in a tight bun, and her gray eyes are like steel. It’s hard to call her beautiful in the classic sense—her kind of beauty is almost intimidating. With her pale skin, you could easily mistake her for a vampire.
And that disdainful, appraising look she gives…
Women usually look at me with interest, batting their eyes sweetly. Not Oksana.
This was a whole different situation.
But that’s probably a good thing, right? I won’t be scared wandering through caves with her for 11 hours. She’d probably scare off any monsters down there herself.
That’s what I’m thinking about on the way to the site of my torture.
You should see the entrance to this cave. What do they call it again? Optimistic? Then why has all my optimism vanished the moment Oksana coldly locked the entrance behind us?
Cruel woman.
Then the real hell begins, because right from the start, we have to crawl on all fours for about 50 to 100 yards. I’ve already sweated through my clothes ten times over, my heart’s pounding like a drum in my head, but I can’t just give up. I’ve already lost that stupid bet!
Come on, Dmytro, focus! Look, the girl up ahead is crawling along just fine… How long has it been? Feels like I’ve been in this tight corridor for at least a year. A wave of panic washes over me again:
“Oksana, can you slow down? I can’t keep up,” I say, my voice almost cracking into a squeak.
“Dmytro, everything okay?” she asks, while I’m having a full-on claustrophobia attack!
“Yeah, yeah, it’s just my first time on a spelunking tour. I’m worried I’ll get lost,” I lie, almost convincingly.
“There’s so much more to see ahead. You’ve got 11 hours of unforgettable experiences and exclusive views waiting for you,” she says with a dreamy smile, while I try not to grimace at my “good fortune.”
Good Lord, 11 hours! Damn it, Oleg! I’ll make you pay for this torture!
While I’m constantly worrying about the ceiling collapsing on me or accidentally knocking down half a gypsum wall with my shoulder, Oksana cheerfully talks about the cave. But I can barely hear her. All I hear is the loud thumping of my own heart. Breathing deeply while crawling isn’t exactly easy, so I just hiss and try to calm myself down.
When another wave of panic hits, my body practically tumbles into a huge hall with a natural ceiling about ten feet high. I can’t hold back a relieved groan. I’ve never considered myself a big art lover, but the stunning life-sized sculpture of Poseidon blows me away with its precision and location. Forgetting all my fears, I blurt out in awe:
“Whoa, how’d they get this down here?”
“They didn’t. It was made right here by student sculptors. There are tons more like this along the way. Look over there—a mermaid!”
“Looks like you,” I say, and it really does. Noticing that the sculpture is bare from the waist up, with perfectly shaped feminine curves—probably a size two or three—this tour is getting more interesting by the minute. Now I can’t help but wonder if the sculptor-model has the same figure. I even snap a photo of the mermaid for keepsake. Why not?
“Yeah, that’s because I made it,” she says. No way!
“You’re a sculptor?”
“Yup, by training. But as you can see, the caves stole my heart, so I stayed. Have you noticed how easy it is to breathe down here?”
“Yeah, it’s weird. Where are those creepy caves you read about in books?” I ask, even though I was nearly losing my mind just ten minutes ago.
“This is it, buddy. Fear just makes things seem scarier than they are. Take a look around, snap some pics if you want. Then we’ll move on to the next part of the tour. We’ll have to squeeze through some rocks.”
Somehow, I miss her words about the rocks and squeezing through them. It’s actually not bad here when the walls and ceiling aren’t pressing in on you from all sides. I can breathe freely.
But I don’t get to relax for long before the next disaster strikes. The passage in the wall suddenly narrows and twists into some weird S-shape. Oksana slips through so easily and effortlessly that I find myself wondering about the geometry of her body under that baggy jumpsuit… and then I get stuck.
At first, I don’t realize what’s happening—maybe my clothes caught on something—but then panic hits me like a hot wave, shutting down any logic. I start thrashing around like a sheep caught in a gate and warn Oksana that I’m stuck, my voice way too emotional.
Good Lord, am I gonna die down here? I’m still so young, with so many cases left unsolved. Why did I care about that money? Life’s worth more. Oksana was saying something, but I kept struggling, so she stepped closer and gave me a solid slap across the face.
Panic turns to anger and rage.
I don’t let anyone touch my face. Even during training at work, the guys know not to hit me there.
And here’s this girl, this crazy chick!
Calm down, Dmytro, calm down.
Surprisingly, I notice the panic subsiding. I’m still wedged in the rock, and Oksana is standing nearby, eyeing me with a cold stare. I mean, I wouldn’t mind her touching me, but preferably not in this situation…
“Calmed down, Dmytro?” she asks in that condescending, teacher-like tone again.
“I’m stuck, and you said that couldn’t happen,” I say, starting to panic and struggle again.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t thrash around like that. You might accidentally bring the cave down,” she says coldly and calmly, sitting down on the ground nearby and continuing to stare at me.
“Can you do something or give me some advice?” I ask, losing patience. Why is she just sitting there???
“Actually, I’m waiting for you, sir. Whenever you’re done sightseeing this part of the Optimistic Cave, we can keep moving. It’s been almost an hour, and we haven’t even reached the Great Hall. I was hoping to swim in the underground lake today, but I’m worried we might not make it there in time and will have to turn back without seeing its beauty.”
Is she mocking me? What’s going on? This is all Oleg’s doing. He must’ve set this up. That jerk!
“Did Oleg put you up to this to mess with me?”
“Who’s Oleg? Oh, your friend, probably. No, what are you talking about?”
“I can’t get through, you know that. So what’s with this charade?”
“I’m waiting for you to calm down and stop tensing your muscles. They’re impressive, no doubt, but right now, you need to use your brain. If you squat down a bit and turn your torso to the right, you’ll have no trouble getting through. Honestly, even kids figure this out intuitively, so…”
I follow her instructions and look up at the ceiling, embarrassed, because damn it, she’s right. I guess panic made me forget how to think. Thank God, Oksana just nods curtly and continues telling incredible legends about the Optimistic Cave. After that, we barely encounter any narrow passages, and I can hardly take in the vast corridors and endless chasms.
Oksana explains that some of the cave tunnels run under the Dnister River, so there might be a river flowing above us right now. This underground kingdom is starting to grow on me with its mysterious grandeur. I could’ve missed out on this place entirely, never knowing that Ukraine has something so insanely cool.
Oksana mentions that spelunking expeditions come here from all over the world, so apparently, some foreigners know more about our country than we do. Maybe I won’t kill Oleg for this tour after all. I’ll think about it.
Next, we enter another hall where the walls and ceiling are covered in stalactites. Under the light of our lamps, they shimmer and reflect in different colors. To say I’m impressed would be an understatement! I’ve never seen anything like it. I glance at Oksana, and she’s smiling contentedly, watching my reaction.
“Pretty amazing, right?”
I see the light reflecting in her gray eyes, now filled with happiness, joy, and awe. I want to keep looking at her, caught in this fleeting urge I don’t quite understand, so I get flustered and look away.
She doesn’t seem to notice my awkwardness:
“Photos can’t capture all the beauty, but at least you’ll have the memory.”
Like I’m under a spell, I take a picture, then sneakily snap one of Oksana. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I don’t think she noticed?
We continue down the corridor and emerge into another small hall. I’m so caught up admiring her that I miss her question. I just nod, then freeze in horror when I see a real, black, writhing nest on the wall, alive with movement.
“Oksana, stop, something’s moving over there!”
My loud shout scatters the nest into dozens of winged, flying creatures. Bats! And Oksana is right in their path. She tries to dodge, but they don’t avoid her, and one particularly sneaky one—probably a male—flies right into the sleeve of her jumpsuit.
Oksana starts screaming, drops her backpack, and with trembling hands, tries to unbutton the jumpsuit as fast as she can. But there are so many damn buttons:
“Dmytro, help me get this freaking jumpsuit off! Why did you yell? I told you—no noise!”
Ahh, so that’s what she was asking about.
I rush over to her, and together we quickly strip off her spelunking gear. Oksana shakes the poor creature out of the pant leg. It lies on the ground, terrified, probably playing dead.
I’m treated to an incredible view of her flawless, milky skin, slender waist, and—God help me—they really are just like the mermaid’s. Oksana isn’t wearing a bra, just a soft tank top under the jumpsuit that reveals an amazing sight.
I smirk at my earlier guess and keep staring at my instructor with a heavy, purely male gaze, until I meet her furious eyes.
I think I’m in deep trouble!